The Answer is 42

So, this time last year I was in a bad place. Battling a mild case of depression and keeping sane by going to school and hanging out with friends as much as possible. 

A year later, I've realized how much I've learned about myself and grown in a sense. 

I've really learned to enjoy being alone. I had issues with it for so long because I didn't know how to be alone. I like being left alone to read, do art, and doing what I want when I want. 

I'm a quiet and reserved social butterfly. Oxymoron, I know. Once I get to know people better, I'll talk to them about all kinds of stuff. I help run social groups because it gives me something to do and I get to explore new things I may not have known about before. I get to meet new people and make new friends constantly. 

It is hard though with my social groups being different than my other social circles. They all don't know each other and sometimes it's hard to relate between the groups. I kind of wish all my friends knew each other in a way. Haha. 

Things are going fairly well right now. I'm hoping the next year will bring lots of new friends and some new and good opportunities for me. 

Love always,

Melissa

P.S. Kudos to anyone who gets the title of the blog. 

"The light in your soul is far greater than the darkness. Shine your light."

Epiphany

So, 21 months I've been divorced. The thing I've had the most problem with since has been, being alone. 

I know that I have friends and family. I love them dearly. So, don't think that I don't know know you guys are here for me. 

I've battled some demons in the last year. I thought I was fine. First, I was sad. Then, angry and then I tried dating again. I've met some cool friends from it, but I also met rejection. 

Sometimes causing me to go into a depressive state for a week or two. I had my friends to snap me out of it. For a while I was okay. Then, one of my best friends moved and for some reason I couldn't cope. The winter was terrible as well and so I sunk into another depression. This one lasted for a couple months this time. 

Either people didn't notice or they chose to ignore it. I couldn't stand being alone and so I talked to whoever and ignored their red flags that I normally look out for. Until friends talked sense into me again. 

I don't talk to the red flaggers anymore. 

I've discovered this weekend that I'm truly okay. I can be alone. I went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday and I also spent Sunday afternoon reading. 21 months. It took that long to realize that being alone is okay and that I'll be okay.  

Love Always,

Melissa

We Are Human

I've been mentally tired and messed up for the last couple of months. I hadn't realized it until quite recently and having it shoved in your face by a loved one is heart wrenching, but usually necessary. 

I began turning off social media to get away from everyone. I didn't want to see their happy posts or their angry posts or their sad posts. I need to deal with my own shit and not know your bullshit, too. I also had a tendency to post my bad shit and decided to take a break for a while. 

I have to deal with me first. I want to be there for you guys, I really do, but I can't. Not right now. 

Love Always,

Melissa