The hiatus is over or is it?

I haven't posted a blog in almost 2 years. A lot of things have factored into that.

Do you remember my post about Meetup.com? The group where I got to meet new friends and go out and do fun things. I'm still a part of that. It's been a little over 2 years since I joined the 20s and 30s group and it's helped me make so many friends. Some of them I only get to know for a short time as our city is a fairly transient place with the university being a big part of that. People are students and graduate or they work there and eventually move on. I even help run a women's group that branched off from the main group. Sometimes girls just want to have fun. Hahaha...

I also am a part of Makerspace Urbana and it's really cool. I can learn new skills, get to know some interesting people, or teach people things that I know. I've actually taught several workshops on jewelry and crafts.

Last year there were a couple of significant events. My favorite cousin got married and I was in the wedding party. Plus I got to visit my second home (California). Here are some of my favorite photos.

The other event was that I met a wonderful man named Skyler. I swear he is the man I've been looking for my entire life and we finally found each other.

Just a little update from little ole' me.

Love Always,

Melissa

Epiphany

So, 21 months I've been divorced. The thing I've had the most problem with since has been, being alone. 

I know that I have friends and family. I love them dearly. So, don't think that I don't know know you guys are here for me. 

I've battled some demons in the last year. I thought I was fine. First, I was sad. Then, angry and then I tried dating again. I've met some cool friends from it, but I also met rejection. 

Sometimes causing me to go into a depressive state for a week or two. I had my friends to snap me out of it. For a while I was okay. Then, one of my best friends moved and for some reason I couldn't cope. The winter was terrible as well and so I sunk into another depression. This one lasted for a couple months this time. 

Either people didn't notice or they chose to ignore it. I couldn't stand being alone and so I talked to whoever and ignored their red flags that I normally look out for. Until friends talked sense into me again. 

I don't talk to the red flaggers anymore. 

I've discovered this weekend that I'm truly okay. I can be alone. I went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday and I also spent Sunday afternoon reading. 21 months. It took that long to realize that being alone is okay and that I'll be okay.  

Love Always,

Melissa

Good, bad, and In Between

I was talking about divorce on my Facebook the other day. I've noticed a lot of people post that they're separating and going through a divorce. 

First, I know how you feel. I've been divorced for a little over a year. I was married for 4 years and luckily we never had children. I don't regret being married because regret is useless. You can't change anything, so don't dwell on it. 

Second, when I thought about divorce. It reminded me of my parent's divorce and why it happened. Most of you don't know much about this because I've never told you. 

My parents divorced when I was in elementary school. Perhaps around 3rd or 4th grade or even in between that time. I'm not sure exactly. If any of you reading this went to elementary school with me then you may remember that when I was in 3rd grade, I wore a stocking hat most of the year to cover my bald head. Perhaps you thought I was sick with something. I doubt I ever explained it. The bald head? I went to the doctor because my hair had been falling out. The doctor said it was because of stress. My dad's solution? Shave my head! 

It was his fault that my hair was falling out! How could he do that to a little girl?! Do you know how embarrassed I was at school with no hair? Did you know that kids made fun of me?! 

Now you're wondering, why did your dad stress you out enough to cause hair loss? Physical abuse and mental abuse. Have you ever been thrown on the floor and stepped on? Had your leg pinched so hard it left a huge bruise? Slapped in the face when you didn't do a thing? (These are just things I remember, I'm not sure if there was anything else) Living in fear of someone is not the way to live.

My mother finally got the courage and divorced my dad and I love her so much and thank her for doing that for her and for us (Joseph and I). 

I don't even consider that man my father, even though he has asked for my forgiveness. I refuse. Although, I do have a couple of half sisters that I am friends with and hope to get to know better in the future. 

This post was definitely a little of the good, the bad, and the in between.

Love always,

Melissa

The Road Less Traveled

First, I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I was purposely keeping myself busy. Now that things have slowed down, I have a little time to write.

Today's blog title, "The Road Less Traveled" is about how you live your life. There are so many instances, especially in the last few months I could have taken the "easy road". 

The 3 things I'm going to talk about in this post are love, friendship, and life decisions. 

One: Love

As most of you know, I divorced over a year ago. It was completely mutual and very civil. I've been on the single and dating market for a little while now. I'm currently still single, but in a somewhat relationship, but not in a relationship at all. Most of you would probably think it's weird for me to do that and why would I do that? 

The answer: I see things through and I think I should see this through to the end or to the beginning regardless of what it is. I know I could have actually been in a relationship with a few of the guys I went on dates with in the last year, but I think I'd honestly be miserable because I'd be lying to myself and them. 

Aren't you afraid you're going to get hurt?

Answer: Of course, who isn't afraid of such a thing. You'll never have an adventure if you're afraid of everything. 

Two: Friendship

My very best friends live far away from me. Even the closest one lives an hour away. The others all in different states. I see it as a test of my willingness to keep in touch and for them to keep in touch. Yes, I am lonely a lot now because they all live away from me. 

Don't ever let the people you care about go a day without them knowing how you feel. 

Third: Life Decisions

Yes, life sucks sometimes and sometimes you, yourself can "suck at life". We all have these moments. You just have to shake it off and try not to suck so much. LOL...

Honestly though, perhaps I thought I'd be somewhere else in life right now. I thought maybe I'd have my bachelors, a husband, 1 or 2 kids, pets, a house. HAHAHA....no....my decisions have altered that silly dream. 

I'm still in school, but determined to get a bachelors. I work full time. I live alone in an apartment. I have a dog. I'm divorced and single. I don't have children, although I think 80% of my Facebook friends do. I might never have children and that's okay. It's not something I have to do, but I wouldn't mind it. I love to travel and maybe I'll do that instead. Who knows....you really don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, so live! Live without regret and maybe take a few side roads on the way. ;-)

Love Always, 

Melissa

Bring me to life

"For now it's really up in the air and the pieces haven't found their place yet." ~Melissa A. Voss

I love you, I hate you

So, yesterday was nice. I had a good evening hanging out with my best friend and brother for his birthday.

I got rudely woken up at 4am by someone calling me twice from a Georgia number. I had talked to this person a couple days ago and told them I didn't know them. The reason they keep getting text messages from my phone is because I have a friend who has been sending group texts and this other person I think is confused (I don't think they understand group texting). So, they keep trying to figure out why I'm texting them. I'm not, I'm texting everyone in the group text...come on people, learn about what technology you have. Lmfao! So, I didn't answer for fear I would curse an innocent person out. 

Also, I noticed this morning that I've been snuggling my pillows. Forever alone... :( heh...

It's supposed to snow this weekend. Oh boy! Brrrrr.....

Happy Born Day, bro!

Today is my middle brother, Joseph's 24th birthday. I still have a memory from the day you were born. I was in kindergarten and mom went into labor. I wanted to go to the hospital with them, but they sent me to school. I was so mad. Lol...I was never one of those kids who had new baby envy. I always had love to give to new siblings.

Shine a light in the Dark

Oh man is today gloomy out! 

I'm rebuilding my emotional wall and filling in the cracks as best I can. The blogging has really helped even if they've been depressing as of late. I haven't let my guard down like that in a while. 

You all know I'm strong and so for me to break down that way, you know that whatever it was, it was important and meant something to me. 

I think one of my strengths and downfalls (at times) is that I have so much love and kindness to give and yet even if I don't get it back in equal parts, I still give no matter what. 

For those of you who actually take the time to read these blogs, thank you. You're reading this because I actually mean something to you and you truly care. Think about that for a moment. The first time I met you and who I am to you. :-)

Love Always,

Melissa

Oh Hai

Yes, that blog title is spelled wrong on purpose. 

So, work was so busy, but everything got done, so let's do it again tomorrow. Weeeee! 

Anywho, I've realized that my emotions on Facebook and my last few blog posts have very depressing. I apologize for being a downer. 

Every now and then I do get like this, but some of you who have never seen this happen to me were worried. I'm good, the bounce back is coming and I promise I'll be alright. 

I try not to invest too much emotion into things/situations, but if you know me well, then you know I'm quite incapable of that. No matter how hard I try to hide my emotions, they are usually killing me on the inside. 

I'm a person with a lot of emotion, a lot of empathy, and a lot of love.

Sometimes I think I can handle a situation, but then realize that I truly can't. Usually meaning I should step away from it for a while. Let it be and see how that goes. 

It's always been hard for me to let things go. It usually bothers me that I have to let a situation die down before I can address it again. 

"First step is the one you believe in, second one might be profound." - "I'll Follow You ~Shinedown

Love Always,

Melissa

A Drop in the Ocean

I have to laugh because if I don't laugh at the stupid stuff, I think I'll just burst. Work is trying my patience today and so I laugh because it's my coping mechanism.

I know I'm not doing things the way any of you would. I know there are situations in my life right now that some of you wonder why I bother. I know that the situations are a bit off kilter and odd, but every situation I put myself in is for me to learn or I wouldn't do it. 

Yes, I am putting myself in situations where heartache could be a huge factor and that's okay. It's okay to feel that way because if we, as humans, weren't supposed to feel that way, then we wouldn't. Every person I have met in the last 6 months have been interesting and I learned a little from each one. I still retain some of them as friends. 

My intuition is hardly wrong, so for now, this is how it must be. 

We are not without humility, nor without pain. 

Love Always, 

Melissa